Spice of Life - Episode 8 (Chicken Escalope)

 

"Jenjen, you won't believe the amazing client I met today! She's planning a baby shower for her friend and has the most incredible games lined up. It was so much fun; I laughed my heart out! Such a fantastic lady," I excitedly shared as Jenjen and I hopped into the car. However, Jenjen scowled at me and let out a loud hiss.

"Why are you feeding me dry gist? You know the only gist I want to hear – spill the tea about Kamsi. Who cares about baby showers and pregnancies?" she demanded, a mischievous glint in her eyes. I chuckled, starting the car and entering the restaurant's location into Google Maps.

"Where do you want me to start? Everyone has revelations, right? I also want to share mine," I teased.

"Reveal what? Did you and Kamsi? Oh God, tell me now! This girl, seriously, it's me, Dee baby," she shook me playfully. I laughed, trying to focus on the road.

"Jen! Jen, stop it now; we'll have an accident!" I pleaded.

"I don't care. Isn't it better than depriving me of this gist?" she retorted.

"God forbid! You're insane. How are you even a lawyer? A charge and bail lawyer. No wonder you're Lawyer Linus's wife," we both burst into laughter, reminiscing about our nosy teacher.

Lawyer Linus, with his exaggerated stories and claims, always called Jenjen his small wife and appointed her Prefect of Social Studies throughout primary school. We laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Jennifer continued pestering me until I parked in the BlowFish restaurant parking lot.

"Nothing happened, Jenjen. He just helped an old friend, that's all," I reassured her as we stepped out of the car.

"Taa shut up there! Old friend my arse! I will do you back. Dara, you're keeping gist from me, no wam!" she snapped her fingers in a promise of retaliation, and we walked into the restaurant, laughing all the way.

Amira, reveling in her punctuality prowess, greeted us with a playful "I've been here forever" glance. Classic Amira. She was already taking Snapchat videos and pictures.

"What's up, bitch?" Jenjen greeted Amira, and they shared a hug.

"Someone was busy with her boring client and refused to give me the gist," Jenjen complained, rolling her eyes at me.

"Don't mind this cow, Mira. How are you, iya beji? You look amazing! Ahahn, this hair is fire!" I said, caressing her bouncy weave.

"Yes, oh! Come and buy, shikili money, just 100k," she swirled and shook her hair.

"Hian! Mira, is this hair, not 50k?" Jenjen retorted. Mira and I burst into laughter.

"May God never send me customers like you."

"Taa, get out, with all the free modeling and legal services I'm providing you."

Our attention shifted to Nonye, who arrived in an unknown car. Jenjen and I exchanged knowing glances, curious about why she didn't use her own car.

"I told you that I would get back, abi," she laughed maniacally, leaving me feeling stupid. Jenjen was with Nonye last night, she knows something. I'd have to force the tea out of Nonye.

As Bikes walked in, giggling with Nonye, looking stunning with her new designer purse. We all greeted them happily and joined in some pictures. Wow, Bikes is glowing! I mentally calculated the cost of her ensemble and vowed to order the most expensive item on the menu. The waiter handed us menus courteously, I couldn’t concentrate just staring at Bikes, so I decided to go with whatever Jenjen was having, confident she'd done her homework.

"Alright, Nonye, order quickly so I can get some gist in my system since someone has starved me," Jenjen teased as we all laughed.

"I'll just have the Chicken Escalope and some BBQ prawns like the rest," Nonye said.

"Oya, Mrs. Ezeonu-to-be, spill about your escapades!" Jenjen chimed in, and we all laughed. Abike beamed like a cute little girl, and I couldn't help but stare at her. She looked genuinely happy, and I wondered if Chuks really loved her. I shook off the thought – why did I care so much?

"Hmmn, where do I start? Like babes! It was all shades of amazing! His family is so awesome! When Dara canceled, he asked me who else I wanted to go with. I suggested Nonye or Jenjen, but he said you guys might be busy. He didn't want to yank you off your schedules," Abike began.

"Yeah, right. I'm so busy on your couch doing nothing," Jenjen interjected sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Jenny, no interruptions, please. I want to hear these shades of amazing," Amira warned. Bikes continued, "Even if I asked you, you wouldn’t come. You and Chuks are like oil and water. He says you terrify him."

"Oh, now your boyfriend thinks I’m a monster, Medusa, right?" Jenjen retorted.

"Fiancée," Amira corrected, "Jenjen, you must respect the ring. Let’s see it again." Bikes held up her left hand, and everyone laughed.

"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them," Jenjen echoed, fake bowing to Bikes' hand. I faked a smile.

"Guys, we are losing focus. Bikes, please continue," Nonye urged.

"Alright, so he suggested if my mom could go with me. But my mom is in Ibadan..." Bikes said. "Yeah, I know. “Mom is in the East. He said so that makes both of us," Bikes laughed. "You won’t believe what happened next. Chuks told me to call my mom, saying we were coming to get her. Apparently, she was in Benin for a friend's daughter's wedding. You know my mom's mom is from Benin, right?"

"We? Or just you? You are an only child," Jenjen interrupted. I rolled my eyes. Why am I so invested in this story?

"Oh yeah, Jenjen, I should have that stamped on my forehead since you never cease to remind me so often. Any further interruption will cost you twice the asoebi, and you foot your hotel bill," Bikes teased. We all concurred.

"Continue, please," I said pressing my phone, pretending disinterest.

"Okay, so Chuks sent the location to my phone and told me to tell my mom where we were going. She could bring any relative she likes," Bikes continued.

"To cut the long story short, I found myself in a private hangar, and there was a jet," Bikes exclaimed.

"Oh my gosh!" We all exclaimed. Girly excited screaming erupted, and Bikes nodded as if saying, "I know, I know."

"We entered a private jet. My mom's face was priceless. I did lots of videos and everything, sending them to the group chat now. That’s why I couldn’t pick up your calls," Bikes said. Everybody brought out their phones. There was a long moment of uhhs and ahhhs and oh my gosh.

"And guess what? That’s not even the best part," she teased.

"Oh my gosh, did you guys hold the meeting on Mars and use a rocket to get there?" I exclaimed. The room fell quiet. Everybody looked at me irritably.

"Because I did it, if it was Jenjen now," I said, and they all laughed.

"You don’t have Jenjen awesome. That’s why. I am the Chandler of this group, okurrr. Bikes, can’t believe you did not call me to follow you, anyways continue, don’t cut the long story short. We need details," Jenjen said.

"Yes, please spill all the tea, every single drop. How was the private jetting? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe this!" Amira concurred excitedly.

"I know, right? There were hostesses and first-class service. My seat could stretch and relax; there were wines and chocolates. It looked like the house of the witch in Hansel and Gretel. There was even a masseuse, guys, a masseuse! They gave us couple massages," Bikes revealed.

"Ooooooohhhh," everyone exclaimed. "How is that even possible, on air? Can you believe this?" I rolled my eyes.

"Dara, stop sulking, please. Shebi she asked you to follow her. Gi ju. Bikes continue my dear," Nonye said.

"Abeg, you guys should leave Dara for me. Why are you attacking her today? Even you, Jenjen. You see why I said this gist is not a phone call conversation?" Everyone concurred. Bikes tried to patronize me.

"Omo guys, this was the best weekend of my life. My mom was already sold. Like there is nothing Chuks can do wrong in her eyes now; she hasn't stopped talking about it, and her brother that came along. My uncle, he nearly called Chuks Sir. He had to switch to 'my son,' 'my son,' the prayers they heaped on Chuks and me, Omo, so we get to Anambra. Chuks's family is so important. People were waiting for us with flowers and banners, welcome 'our wife,' 'Nnoo nwunye anyi.' Didn't expect these surprises. Jeez, I felt so honored. I am not even married to this guy yet. You Igbos know how to treat people like royalty. Well, I am royalty, my father's father is the son of the Alaafin of Oyo..."

"Yeah, yeah, continue the story, no deviations, please, we are all children of kings," Jenjen interrupted.

"Okay, I felt so warm, and when we got home, Chuks' mom had prepared a feast, like a great banquet of the bridegroom. She hugged me so tightly and welcomed me. Wow, it was as if the fate of the village depended greatly on Chuks bringing a wife home. I was scared. Then she greeted my mom. My mom looked more closely, then exclaimed, 'Adaobi Okoro.' Chuks's mom turned to my mom and shouted, 'Kemi Enahor,' and then they screamed and hugged each other. Apparently, my mom and his mom went to the same school."

"No, you don’t say? See fate!" Nonso interjected. Wow! What a pre-destined occurrence.

"My mom was her school daughter’s friend in JSS1 when she was in SS3. Omo, it was a happy reunion. We went straight to the feast. I met Chuk’s sisters. Did you know he has about five sisters, and he is the last born and only boy? They spoil him silly. Two of his sisters are married to statesmen, while the other two are abroad, married too. The last one is married to this business tycoon in Anambra. She doesn’t like me that much, but Chuks says she would come around. Chuks's mom drummed in support for me; I was really overwhelmed, thinking the lady would see me as someone not fit to marry her son. But she said no other person is fit; she even vowed to embarrass all those village girls that throw themselves at him, irrespective of how rich their families are. Omo, she mentioned one Anulika; I don’t know if I got that right, but the girl is a lawyer, and her father is CJN. It seems she and Chuks were kind of betrothed or something. She said she had seen my performance at work, and she needed me to guide Chuks properly. She said so many wonderful things. Omo, I feel this woman loves me more than her son. It felt so surreal. I wasn’t expecting this..." We were interrupted by the waiter, and the Chicken Escalope arrived. The chef came to tell us about the starter dish, and we started to eat. Bikes continued.

"Guys, I was scared of this before, but now I am super sure. Feel free to call me Mrs. Ezeonu."

"Periodtt!!" Jenjen exclaimed. Everyone reacted positively to the amazing tale. Awwwnnnn, oh my god. Wow, private jet, so great, you are so lucky, congratulations once again, Bikes, poured in.

"Now here’s the bad news part," Bikes looked straight at me. I swallowed hard; what was she going to say next? She can’t be friends with me; I am not invited to the wedding.

"My mother-in-law is so excited about the wedding; she says she has her own event planner, the one that planned all the weddings of her girls. So, Dara, I’m so sorry; she..." I interrupted her immediately, and everyone let out a sad "aww." Jenjen mouthed to me, "Thank God!" I smiled.

"It’s okay, dear. I’m so happy for you regardless," I said, and Jenjen and I had been hoping for such to happen.

"No, Dara, you don’t understand; I really am sorry. I really thought we could do this together. So sorry..."

"Bikes, it’s okay, no worries, for real. If it’s any consolation, I have gotten enough PR from the engagement already."

"Guys, I’m getting married for real. The date has been fixed for the trad and white; in the next three months, I will be married!" she said excitedly. We all screamed. Girls and screaming. The restaurant guests must be tired of us. I quickly looked around; just a few people here and there, but all the attention was on us, for sure. Already, it’s just been eight months...

"I think this may be a destination wedding, guys. With the way MIL is moving, just prepare for the wedding of the century!" More screams!

"Oh my gosh, this is so wonderful. Jeez, Dara made us so worried with that her crazy dream..."

"Mira!" Everyone screamed. Bikes looked dumbfounded.

"What dream?" She asked. I shifted uneasily on my chair.

To be continued

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Written by Rosemary Ugwuogo aka Dauntless