Terrific Tales on Traffic - Episode 10 (Friendzoned)

"Rosie! Rosie!! come I have gist for you..." Jane races from her little group towards me. It is a starry evening and the SLAM theatre meeting was just rounding up. We had divided into our groups, dance, drama, and Public Speaking. I am in Public Speaking while She is in Drama. Although sometimes we interface with other groups depending on the task at hand. Now, you have to know that Jane is a very dramatic person, and it's hard to know when she's out of character. I mean she rarely is but I am a bonafide Amebo and no gist must ever pass me by, in character or not. I run to her

"Nwannem Nyem gist biko, what the ups you know... give me the tea..." 

She drags me to the pavement, slightly away from the disbanding members who are still exchanging pleasantries and finalizing play details. 

"Hmmm, guess what?", I wanted to guess but She did not even allow me to say what

"Obi likes you!", She lets out a little scream and squirmed in excitement, shaking my hands which were still in her hands from dragging me away. I am in shock. My mouth and eyes fly open. This is not the kind of gist I was expecting to be honest.

"What? For real?", I ask, She nods her head in excitement, smiling from ear to ear, trying to get me to smile too.

"Wait first which Obi again?" I ask again still in shock.

Her face fell slightly.

"Obi naaaaaa" She whines.

We have about 3 Obis that are our mutual friends. One is in our hostel, the other is Mr. Unizik and the other one is a member of SLAM Theatre and he is here with us. Jane's excitement is still high. I think I know who she's talking about already.

"Which one naaaa?" I ask again, this time I am also trying to hide my excitement.

"Rosie, what's wrong with you na? You are killing my amebo vibes. It's Obi Slam theatre. Our crush Obi."  I cut her off immediately,

"Shhhhhhhuu!! Ahahn. We are still here na. But Jeez! Like seriously? My Obi likes me? Oh my gosh!!" I made a voiceless scream. The butterflies in my tummy wiggled their little butts in excitement.

"I know right", Jane says and we start to jump in excitement. We are whispering now,

"Oh, my God! Oh! my God!" I keep saying breathlessly. I am holding my stomach, suddenly out of breath, where's all the air, I stop jumping, and then it hit me. This is Jane oh, overly dramatic Janet Nwamama.

"How do you know?" I blurt out in disbelief.

She smiled and said, "First off, I always noticed a certain kind of awkward chemistry between you two. You barely hug each other, you smile a lot at each other, you guys play a lot of pinching and tickling each other and he keeps staring at you from our own group meeting and you make him so shy. Whenever you come around him, he's like star-struck, whenever you are presenting he's so watching you intently, remember when you guys sang that Simi and Falz song Chemistry, that was it for me, you guys look so good together then you said you liked him and I am like hmmm..." I am so angry at this point I had to interrupt her rambling

"Jane, and you concluded with all these that he likes me? Like really?" She shrugged,

"But don't you like him?" I am getting pissed at this point but I have to be gentle.

"Jane, I do but you can't conclude from all these factors that Obi likes me." I realise we were no longer whispering and had to lower my voice.

"Besides, don't you see that Anastasia girl, she's always all over him? I think something is going on between them." We are obviously gossiping about these two people in this society now. Innocent gist has turned to gossip

"But they are not dating na Rosie. Well since you are too blind to see. Let me break it to you properly..." She looks around before completing her sentence, "he told me..."

"What?", I shout in disbelief

"Shhhhhhh! Rosie lower your voice naaaa. he made me promise not to tell you. I'm breaking my promise because you are dulling my gist and spoiling my shipping excitement..."

"Really?? Obi told you he likes me?" I still can't believe it although I really want it to be true.

"Yeah, I kinda sorta like forced it out of his mouth. He kept staring at you today just like every other day, I already know you like him and I thought to help you find out if the feelings were you know mutual, so I asked him, "You like Rosie right?", He shrugged at first but I kept looking at him so intently that he later admitted it, he said he really likes you and I was like, "why don't you tell her", and he was like, "I don't know if she likes me back or if shes even single. Rosie is so beautiful. I doubt she doesn’t have a man in her life or if she likes me back. You are her friend na, what do you think?" Now I didn't want to break the girls' code and spill that you have a massive crush on him..."

"... it's not that massive" I cut in

"Taa! Common shut up, there! Look at how you've been blushing since I told you, It's not just massive, It's humongous!" We both laugh

"So, what did you tell him?" 

"I told him that for all I know you are very very single and he would never know if you like him back if he doesn't try. Then he said he is actually scared of trying to tell you, something along the lines of he kinda likes the way things are now, that if he asked you out, you may freak out and it would ruin your friendship, so I assured him I understood his perspective but for real I don't understand anything."

"Yeah! Me too. I don't like things the way they are, I mean why would I like things the way they are when we could be better than just friends? Well, you tell him, yes you have to tell him, that what will ruin our friendship is this; if after some years, I make some really bad decisions and marry that arrogant fish John and I get divorced or either I kill John or John kills me and I begin to haunt every girl he ever dates till he dies. That! That would surely ruin our friendship as humans and as ghosts for eternity." 

I was so lost in my talk that I failed to see Jane twitching her eyes to signal that Obi is walking towards us. 

"What happened to ghosts?" he says, pinching me. I flinched. 

"Well, I am no MOL(Messenger of Love), you can tell him yourself." Jane mouthed, said Hi to Obi, and disappeared.

I turn slowly, 

"Obi!! What's up?" I said in a falsetto voice. 

"Nothing bad oh, how far?" He replied. We did a fist bump. Oh, now I see what Jane is talking about, Obi never shakes me, We avoid contact as much as possible, always a fist bump, shoulder bump, or pinching or tinkling. Wow, Jane may be right, we are so scared to touch each other because of the sparks of lightning and electric shocks that happen whenever we do.

"Obi, Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go on! Shoot!"   

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" I asked

He becomes still. Obi is not daft. He clearly knows what this is all about. 

"What the Jane tell you? Damn! You can't tell that girl any secret right. Gosh!" He hits his forehead in disappointment.

"Obi, why didn't you tell me?"

"Rosie Arrrgh!I don't know", he scratched his head. "We're friends. I don't want that to be ruined. I think it's a crush. It may gradually fade away. It's no big deal." 

"No big deal Obi? Really?" I ask, I am getting pissed off. What does he mean that it is no big deal. So I am no big deal right. Oh wow.

"Arrrgh, No it's not like that, Oh God! Damn you Jane", He hit his forehead again. Obi is so shy and I am so bent on giving him a hard time now. "Okay here's the thing", he continues, " This was not how I intended for you to find out. I'm pretty terrified of telling you because I was not sure how you were going to react. You are one tough cookie, you know, Uhmmmm, remember when Jerry called you Baby and you lashed out, ehm... I... You're a formidable woman, very ambitious, beautiful, intelligent, outspoken, and way out of my league, and I admire your tenacity and ability to command attention. I don't know... I just thought that...uh" Sweat beads were popping out already.

"Well, you thought wrong Obi..." I try to interrupt him but he is not done talking.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend..." Our words are jumbled together 

"Wait! Do you like me too?" He says in shock

"Well, what do you think?" I move my eyes away from his face down to his chest 

"you like me too, Rosie", He says with affirmative certainty

"I don't know", I reaffirm in denial, looking away from him

"But are you not scared of what happens if it doesn't work out, we may never be able to stand each other, like ever again"

"True Obi, but we would never know if we never get to try." He is smiling at me, I feel uncomfortable right now. What did I just do? Now he knows I like him. It would seem like I am forcing myself on him. Oh God! I hate that I am a formidable woman.

"Are you for real? Woah!! So So you would date me?", He couldn't contain his excitement. It was as if I just gave a child candy.

"Well, if you asked me nicely", I said biting my fingers, I always bite my fingers when I am uncomfortable and I am really uncomfortable now or somewhat. He stepped back for a moment.

"Oh My God, I don't know what to say really, you know when we start dating I won't see you as Rosie anymore and you won't see me as Obi anymore..." 

"...and yeah that Anastasia flirting thing would have to stop", I cut in, Oh my God, what is wrong with me today. Help someone has stolen my body, it is not responding well to internal discussions.

Obi laughed hard.

"yes, it would, It is so annoying. Wow!! Rosie, you really like me, we are so stupid, no I am so stupid." No, you are not, I am stupid, we should just be friends,  I wanted to say, but it is happening again, the flesh blurted out

"So..., what would we see ourselves as" 

Obi moved closer, close enough to whisper

"Maybe as My heartbeat and my love..."

Jeez, My insides turn to ice. Goosebumps! This boy would be the death of me. He continues

"So what do you say?" 

"I say, we have to make a pact." Oh finally, the flesh listens, wait what?

"What pact?" He asks

"that we must remain, friends, regardless." Oh No this girl's flesh doesn't listen

"Absolutely! So what do you say?" 

"Obi, you haven't asked me anything, like really. yes, you have to ask me really nicely. My brain has to document these things for our future kids who will never materialize if you don't ask me right about now..."

"Why the emphasis on 'nicely' though?" 

"Obi!! time is going oh" He laughs.

"Rosie, will you be my girlfriend?  

"I don't know..." 

"But you said..." 

"I didn't say anything oh. Besides, you have to allow me to draw things on the floor with my legs, bite my fingers, and swing from left to right while trying not to look at your face" he laughs 

"Jeez, I got my hands full this time around, you are a clown" I laugh too, and he continues

"but seriously though, please be my girlfriend"

"Okay, I'll think about it" Yay! The spirit is back and has taken over, what spirit is this sef. The Spirit of friend-zoning all the good guys and the one that leads me to the hands of the heartbreakers. I think for a moment

"Rosie!!! What is it? What's this one now?" Obi is confused. I kinda like it but I have to get rid of that spirit"

"Hey! Hey!! hey!!! Shebi you were not ready to tell me till I confronted you about this. Now you are trying to take away all my village girl moves. I have to do some consultation with my geng you know, we have to scream and squirm in excitement then we go gaga and you ask me on a date then they would listen to our conversation and say God when" We both laugh, he pulls me closer and looks straight into my eyes. Obi has beautiful eyes, drooping, light brown and his grip is so strong, I feel so protected, and owned already. He says to me with the most hushed-down romantic voice I have ever heard

"Well, all that would happen and more, but for now, make me a happy man and say yes now Rosie for real"

"Okay fine, I would be your girlfriend."

He smiled,  "Can I kiss you?" 

"No baby you don't ask your girlfriend that, you just do it..." he laughs again, tightens his grip, and bends slightly, I could feel his breathing and his heartbeat. Wait! I am his heartbeat now! Our lips glazed each other...  

"cuttttttttt.....!!!!!!"

"Ohhhhh! Wow!! that was a good one!" the director says.

Round of applause from the remaining cast of the crew.

"Very intense. I can't believe we got that in one take." We shake hands with the rest of the crew. 

It's a wrap! guys, thank you, good job!" the director says

What a scene! Phew!! lol! Sorry to burst your bubble. My name is Amanda and his name is not Obi, it's Richard and no we are not dating. I'm married, by the way, thanks for asking. yeah, it's a soap opera program though and my friend - Jane is Diana. Sorry to disappoint you, but you can blame it on the scriptwriter and Producer though. One lady called Wendy Azubuike. I love working with her. Her scripts are always so real and emotionally intense. I think she may have either daydreamed this or it may be a past experience. The name of the show is called Friendzoned. It's a story of a young girl and her failed endeavors to find love because she keeps friend-zoning the right guys and dating the wrong ones. Anyway, deep down I want to ask her who is Obi really is, as she is still pretty single and young, 26 I think. Did it ever work out? Will it ever work out though? I don't know, the next episode would be sent on Wednesday, I would find out then, but now it's 6pm. I have to get home to the kids. you can ask her yourself. Bye!

Written by Rosemary Ugwuogo aka Dauntless